Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize