craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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