I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
