these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
