where am i from again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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