just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
