i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
