woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
