I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
