We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
