at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
