I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
