Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
