I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
