Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
