as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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