i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
