sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
