I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
