Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
