During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
