next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize