i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
