my phone needs a breathalizer
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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