it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
