Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
