I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
