There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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