i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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