I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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