I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
