He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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