I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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