my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
