The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
