I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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