before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
