A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize