It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
