Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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