Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize