so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
