was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize