i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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