he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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