just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
