I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
