are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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