Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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