oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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