Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
