He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize