I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize