At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
