First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
