he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
