oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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