she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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