Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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