I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
