just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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