she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize