No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
