my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize