the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
