Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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