When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
