one two three fourrrrnication!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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