i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
