Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize