I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
