I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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