so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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